And Reach for the Light
by aliencatt
Summary: Sam has settled into life at college and Dean is happy on the road. Life is pretty good. Except for one thing. continuation of 'To Stop the Darkness'...WINCEST... F.A.O..READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just a fan.

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><p><strong>...and Reach for the Light<strong>

continuation of** 'To Stop the Darkness'. **I would suggest that you read that first to understand who these two are.

Pre series

Sam/Dean

**WARNINGS...** M/M... WINCEST... NON CON/ RAPE... READ AT YOUR OWN RISK (like all my stuff!)

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><p>==000==<p>

Chapter 1

==000==

Looking out of the window, the day was beautiful. The endless fields had become isolated farmsteads, to small towns and bigger urban sprawls. All past by his window unnoticed save for that practiced unconscious awareness developed by drivers who spend numerous hours and thousands of miles behind the wheel.

But today the day itself seemed bright, full of promise and hope, smelling of comfort and home. The Impala was finally his, his alone and the sound of the wheels on the road turning beneath him, was bringing him ever closer to Pal Alto, closer to Sam.

Tapping his fingers along to the, for once not deafening volume, of his favourite band, he considered just how lucky he was.

His life at this point was about the best that he ever remembered and just about the best he could imagine. He had his work, more volition and calling than a job, and no matter how he complained about the bad food, sleeping in crappy motels or by the side of the road, he loved it. The only thing that could have made it better was to be able to turn to the right and see that smile of his beautiful boy's face.

But this was his life, his conviction, not Sammy's. Sam was where he should be, at college preparing for a life defending the weakened and helpless in his own way, in the law courts. Dean smiled when he thought of the earnestness on the brunet's face when he spoke of such things. He would nod and say, 'yeah, Sammy, that's really great,' but he knew, as did many of the other lawyers who had had student ideals of social responsibility and a calling, money talks and bad guys are the ones holding the bank roll.

But maybe Sam would be different. He had not been brought up on 'Daddy's wealth and reputation'. He had been brought up selling his ass on the street so just maybe his convictions to help those as he himself had been would last that little bit longer.

Dean was happy that Sam was doing what he appeared to love, just as he did himself. And although it meant that the lad was seldom in the car beside him, only on holidays and the odd weekend, he knew where he was and knew that he was safe and happy and waiting for him, to welcome him with open arms. Dean grinned to himself as a vision of other limbs opened wide for him flashed through his head.

He had been gone a long time this trip. It was nearly a month since he had seen his lover and the nights had been getting harder. He missed him more than he could say. He missed his easy smile, the one he knew was just for him and he missed his touch, those so large hands gently caressing him, grasping him tight.

No one else could make him feel like that, feel that there was something more than sex happening along with the grunts and gasping. And the thought of waking up next to him and actually smiling to find him there were so unlike the regrets of a previous night's pickup. They scratched the itch but it was only Sammy who could sooth it.

Three days and one simple salt and burn then he would be there. He pressed his foot down on the accelerator.

==000==

Sam looked up from his text book to the map on the wall above his desk. One thing was sure, when he moved out he was unlikely to get much if any of his deposit back. Not with all the pins that had been driven into the plaster.

Looking up at the expanse of the United States before him, he studied all the coloured pins. It was a relatively recent habit and he just knew that he was going to blush, feel awkward and be called a girl when he tried to explain to Dean just why he felt the need to force a pin deep into the wall every time his brother called him.

The action of pressing into the resisting plaster, into the very spot where Dean was at that moment, somehow anchored him down for him. Let him feel that they were connected even when not together. 'Yep', he grinned, Dean was going to call him a big girl for that.

He needed to get some more before Dean left the next time. There was over a year's worth in the wall already.

He had kept the thing covered up and stopped the inevitable questions from his friends. He had kept it covered from Dean too.

But he was already fed up with covering up his relationship with Dean. He was not even sure why he was doing it now. At first, when Dean had come to him here, had turned up out of the blue at his door and stayed for near a week, he had wanted to keep the relationship private because it was nobody's business but theirs.

Then Dean was gone again and he did not want to let on to his couple of friends why he was so low and sad. He would hold the thought of his brother close to his chest, close to his heart, keeping himself warm with the thought that the beautiful man that his brother was, was his, and his alone. He did not want to share him with anyone.

Not to mention the fact that they knew he was 'family'. That the dark blond that they had seen leaving his room was in fact his cousin.

Even in this day and age, having a relationship, a sexual relationship with a cousin was frowned upon in half of the country, and where he was, was in that half. Not to mention the added benefit of him being a male. Of course, Dean was not even his cousin, only on paper and false ones at that. If they ever found out that he was even closer kin?

Worst of all, and Sam hated himself for this, Sam wanted to be a Lawyer, he wanted to be taken seriously and this was 2003. Even in 2003 in a country as forward thinking as this, being an out Gay Lawyer would close many a door right in his face. He did not imagine much would change for the better in the two years it would take to finish Pre Law.

He had discussed this with Dean, that he did not want his friends to know, that he did not want anyone here to know that he was in that kind of relationship with Dean. The man had said that was fine with him, that it was up to Sam and he would be happy either way but he could tell that Dean had been saddened, had been disappointed that Sam would not publicly acknowledge him. He just hoped that Dean understood his reasons because he was not ashamed of him, he loved him, but he guessed that his actions would seem to make that a lie.

He ran his hand up through his hair thinking that was not the only lie he was perpetrating now. There was Jessica too.

He liked her, he really did. From the moment that Brady had introduced them, he had felt a friendship with her. He was drawn to the smile, to the inquisitive eyes and they had gotten along straight away. He managed to make her laugh and he liked it when she did.

They had begun to spend a great deal of time together and everyone else believed that they were dating. He guessed that they were but there was a problem. She was not Dean. When he finally kissed her, and he wanted to, he wondered if he would feel that spark, that electricity he felt with Dean. He doubted it.

He should get ready. They were going to the cinema later, just the two of them. Their first real date he supposed.

==000==

t.b.c...


	2. Chapter 2

==000==

"No."

"Why not? Please, Dean. You'll like her. I know you will."

"I said, _No_, Sam." He was so angry that he had to pull the car over to the side of the road. All he could see in his mind was Sam, his Sam kissing some woman. Doing other stuff with her. He felt like there was a metal fist clamped around his intestines. He thought he was going to be sick.

There was silence on the other end of the cell but he could hear Sammy breathing, could tell he still had the phone close to his ear waiting for him to change his mind, to agree to do as he asked and come and meet this new friend of his.

Sam waited, holding his breath but then he had to let it go. His brother could be a stubborn bastard and had picked now to be one of those moments. He really needed him to come and see him. He needed to talk to him, the only person that he could trust, the only person who had a right to know what he was thinking, feeling. And, of course, it affected Dean. He just hoped somehow that he could get him to understand what he was going through. Could help him reason it out. It had been a stupid thought.

Sat here, already dressed and ready to go out on his first official 'date', nervous as hell and scared that he was making a huge mistake, he had thought that if he could get Dean to come, if he could talk it out with him one of two things would happen.

He would take one look at those blazing green eyes and not even bother to call Jess to say he was not coming, or two, Dean would understand and let him find out if what he was beginning to feel was real or just something that he thought should be.

But of course, stupidly, he had forgotten for that brief moment as he dialled about that damn jealously.

Over the last two years there had been no sign of it. There had been no need and he had almost forgotten.

Dean was never going to be the one to break the silence. It still amazed Sam to this day when he had opened his door and found him stood there. "Please…"

Dean closed his eyes, dropping his head. The sound of the pleading in that one word. He had never been able to resist that gentle voice. But the thought of… "Why would I want to come and met some woman that you're banging?" and meant every word but cursed his stupidity as soon as he spoke.

"What? I haven't slept with her! I've not even kissed her! For fucksakes, Dean, why do you always think I'm so willing to jump into bed with everyone I become friends with?" knowing now that he would never be able to talk to his brother about this. Dean would never understand, would not try to.

"Because you…" and Dean slammed his mouth shut. Sam had sworn to him that he had lied over Scott. He should believe him, he should but, but…the thought of him being with someone else. Of touching, kissing someone else…

Sam was incensed. He had long ago gotten past the days when he would forgive Dean anything. They were older now. He was not that same person, not the young boy that was so besotted and grateful to his brother for loving him. He was becoming his own person. He had thought that he was in an adult, if not quite equal, relationship. And for Dean to suddenly throw his past in his face, to make a reference to his former career? To his life as a rent boy? That was unforgivable. "You Bastard! As if you're as pure as the driven snow. Who was she this week? Who was the slut you rutted with in some motel room this time?"

"What?"

"Don't think I don't know, Dean. I know damn well you can't go for more than a couple of weeks without bedding some random woman when you can't get to your 'fuck boy' in time!"

And for the first time ever, Sam hung up on him.

=0=

A blast from the horn of a passing truck startled Dean back to his surroundings. He slowly opened his fist releasing the cell phone, grimacing as his fingers felt numb then painful as the blood rushed back into joints that had been bleached white by the strength of his grip. How could he have been so stupid?

He had not meant that. Had not meant to throw Sammy's past in his face like that. He had been thinking of the way he had looked at that boy, that Scott. The way Sammy had obviously wanted him then gone to that party even though Dean had made it clear that he did not want him to. But of course Sam was not a mind reader and had jumped to the conclusion that he was insinuating that he was still a whore.

He would never do that but then Sam had plenty of evidence that Dean did not always say what he truly felt. He had always found it hard to talk to Sam, to really talk to him and their entire relationship had been fraught with miss communication and misunderstandings. He had told himself so many times to think, to actually think before he opened his mouth but of course, the hardest advice to follow was always your own.

But he could tell, just from the way his lover had said that woman's name, had asked him to come and meet her that there was something there. He should go. He should switch on the engine and set his car quickly towards those earnest beautiful hazel eyes and without words show Sam just why he did not need anyone else. He should keep his mouth shut because that was what always, always got him into trouble.

Reaching across the seat and retrieving the cell phone, Dean opened and dialled Sam's number. He would apologise and tell him that he was on his way and would get there tomorrow afternoon at the latest. It rang and rang then just cut to voicemail. His face fixed, Dean closed his phone, 'keeping his mouth shut'.

Turning over the engine, he pulled out onto the highway barely checking the road and made a U-turn, the tyres protesting against the tarmac as he pressed hard on the accelerator wanting to get as far from California as he could.

==000==

T.B.C...


End file.
